First Night Alone

Trying to get a picture of us before he left--at
least he took nice ones with the kids :)



Dad and Gage



Dad and Skyler



So, last night was my first night "alone". Of course I wasn't completely alone, the kids were here. But it was the first night I was going to have to sleep by myself after having Cody home for a visit. I hate the 'first night'. I hate the 'first day'. I got home from the airport yesterday and did nothing--I literally sat in front of the computer and kept busy from 9am until about 5pm then I stopped, fed the kids, folded some laundry, chatted on the phone and proceeded to get right back on the computer. It was like therapy, as long as I was in front of the computer keeping busy my mind couldn't wander and I couldn't be sad. Then came bed time. Oh how I hate bed time on the 'first night'. The kids seemed to be o.k. Skyler had that far off look in her eyes and asked her what was wrong, she just said that she missed Dad and wished he was still here. I told her I did too, but hopefully we would see him again soon and we would call him after school tomorrow then kissed her goodnight. I went into Gage's room and he was already in bed. I gave him a hug and kiss and said goodnight, told him I loved him and went downstairs. A few minutes later I heard him sniffing so I listened and that's when I heard him crying. So I called for him to come downstairs and see me. I asked him what was wrong and he said he missed his Dad--again, I told him I did too, but that he had to get some sleep because he had school the next day and Daddy would want him to do good. He said o.k. and went back upstairs. Then I sat, and sat, and sat--tried to watch some t.v. wasn't really into it, just sort of stared into space. Finally Cody called from LAX to let me know he had made it that far, we chatted for a little while, I told him about the kids and then it was time for his next flight on to Hawaii.









I sat for a little while longer after the phone call then decided I should probably go to bed seeing as I did have to go to work in the morning. I went upstairs and saw that Gage had been in my bed, but then must have decided to go back to his. Then I saw sitting on my dresser a picture, well a characture (sp?) of Cody and Gage that they had done when we lived in CA, it had been hanging on his bedroom wall. I walked over to it and he has written on it "To mom love Gage". And I lost it. How sweet was that of him to think of me, knowing that I was upset too--he can be so thoughtful and then other times, well that is just a hole other blog in itself. Anyway, I got into bed and I always switch pillows after Cody leaves because his smells like him now, so I did that, then burried my face in it and sobbed. The bed is so empty and cold and lonely and I just miss him. I laid there for I don't know how long just staring at the ceiling when I decided to e-mail him on my iphone that he got me for Christmas :) I thought that would make me a little sleepy, looking at that little screen and all--and it did. I finally rolled over and dozed on and off for the rest of the night until he text me at 4:41am to let me know he had made it safe and sound--I responded with "o.k., I love you"--I'm sure he was wondering why I was up at that hour, lol. Needless to say I didn't sleep well last night at all, I had to work all day today and I am completely exhausted right now. But, I made it thru the 'first night' now the rest is all downhill from here.