Just When Things Were Getting Back To Normal

WOW! Said #1 and #2 still in the picture. Just an FYI nothing is ever going to be the same--just because she came and had lunch with you today doesn't mean she likes you--#2 maybe, actually, yes, I know she likes and misses #2 very much. They have been friends for a very long time until #1 came into the picture. But #1, NOPE! :) Oh well, she's just bored, poor thing. Hopefully that will all be resolved soon so she can stay away from the evil fat ugly bitch! Can't wait to tell my friends about this one! LOL

:)

So the situation at hand has calmed down a bit--or so everyone thinks. I'm not going to cause any intentional trouble, I'm just not going to post anything on FB. This blog is my outlet and if I want to write and vent here I will and if people don't like it, well then, they don't have to read it. My mom finally talked to me and told me that she does support me but wished I wasn't so opinionated. And that if she tells me she doesn't like someone or something that they do or a quirk of theirs that I need to keep it between us. And I know this, and I had kept it between us for a LONG time that she didn't care for said person but I just was pushed to the breaking point of where I was either going to punch her in the throat the next time I saw her or I had to tell her "hey guess what?--my parents hate you too!" :-) Because let me tell you, that made me sooooooo much better. Knowing it was one thing, but to get it out and say it and now to have her know it---ah, sweet release! I've decided to not talk to other said person at lunch table now either. Evidentally I should have seen all along that she was two faced--but I didn't. She would say shit about said person #1 when she wasn't there, but never to her face--then when stuff like this happens she acts all buddy buddy and they form aliances, LOL. Whatever. I think it's funny--and yup I'm gonna continue to talk about them. Not at work or on work time because my union president said that would get me in trouble. But anything I say on my own time using my own computer and such is my business. And well--no names, so................. :-D
Oh, and because I do know that said persons #1 and #2 are still reading this because they are nosey as nosey can be I just want to make something clear that #1 said. She said that I was "losing friends all over the place by the things that I was doing." Um, I can't lose friends, when they weren't my friends to begin with--just as an FYI. The psycho who dated my cousin, wasn't my friend, she kept me company and filled a void when my real friends were busy. When she went psycho and drama insued I was done. Not sure who else you are talking about--never really considered #1 and #2 friends, we never did anything outside of work like friends do, never shared deep dark secrets or anything extraordinarily personal that everyone else didn't already know. So, yeah, wouldn't consider them friends. But anyway, just wanted to clarify that before you make it sound like I just make friends then throw them away, because that is NOT at all what I do. Like I've said before, I have my friends, I have had them for many many years--I intend to keep them. I don't need anymore.

Hurt

I've been thinking about this since last night and I think what I am most pissed off about is the fact that no one is backing me up. Especially my mom. I finally told said person that I didn't like her--I don't, why not tell her. If someone didn't like me I would want to know, and the reason's why. What gets me is that my mom and our other 'friend' that sit at the same lunch table talk shit about said person when she's not there ALL the time, but when it comes time to actually face the facts and admit it, they won't. What the fuck! What are they scared of? I already told her they talk about her--stop making me look like a liar and admit what you said. No one likes confrontation, especially me, but there does come a time when things need to be said. I've said it a 100 times today--if it were me and my daughter, I would back her 100% because she comes before any of my friends regardless of who they are. I would simply tell them that that is who she is, she is strong willed, opinionated and at times very bitchy, but she's my daughter and I love her and I'm going to have to side with her. And yes, I have said shit about you. And no I don't like to always sit with you at lunch and I think you ask to many questions and can't mind your business. Come on, how hard is it to say that? I know everyone has told me to let it go, but I can't--and I'm not going to until my mom sides with me and finally admits that said person is a bitch and that she doesn't want to have anything to do with her anymore. She has other friends, why in Gods name does she need more--and especially this one? Uck!

Ugh

Yup, second post of the day. Frustrated because I hate stupid people. I would really like to punch them in the face, I think that would make me feel sooooooooo much better or maybe watch them get punched in the face or even run over by a car. Hhhhhmmm--no no, dropped from a plane with no parachute onto cement. Aahhh, I'm feeling better. Deep breaths now. :) It's amazing how some people can get you so worked up just by thinking about them--there was only one other person I think that did that to me. I got over her though--I don't think I'm the only one she did it to though, there is a group of us who wish she would just slit her wrists, lol. Ok, I think my angst level is dropping. Time to make lunches for my day at the DAYCARE tomorrow :) woohoo!

Another Day at the 'DAYCARE'

People continue to humor me, and I'm lovin every single minute of it :) Let's face the facts and the reality of life. People talk about people--it's called gossip. I know people talk about me, whether they admit it or not. My friends, my family, whatever, it's fine. I talk about people too--I enjoy it. I also enjoy, immensly when someone knows I am talking about them, but can't really do anything about it. I'm not threatening or harrassing, I don't do it during work and well, I NEVER mention names. I'm excercising my right to freedom of speech to say what I want about whomever I want whenever I want :-D Can it be hurtful? Yup, at times it sure can be--but such is life, get over it. Can I be a bitch? The biggest. Am I out to make friends? Hell no. I have my friends, I don't want or need anymore. My friends know who I am and love me for it. I started this blog to keep family and friends updated on the kids and then it grew into an outlet for me to vent about stupid people that get on my nerves and I kind of like that. I also have a facebook account--I write what I'm thinking there also. And no, you don't have to 'watch what you write' if you don't want someone to see it, block them. I have a very long list of people who are blocked from my account that can't see anything I write, and I have a feeling I'm going to be adding more--nosey backstabbing fucks at work. Anyway, that's what I have to say about that today. I'm sure there will be more tomorrow because other people let things fester and brew and won't leave it alone and go and talk to everyone else about what's going on--and LIE. "I would never do anything like that" MY ASS.

Trouble Makers

I can be a trouble maker. I have no problem admitting it. There are certain people I know I can get to by saying or doing or writing certain things, so I do--just to start trouble. But when I do it, it never jeopardizes anyones relationship with a spouse or a friend, or puts there job at risk. Now, there are other trouble makers who are out to intentionally hurt people and start shit because they think they are more important then everyone else, they're not, but that's what they think. Case in point. Someone at work was promoted--I found out about it from my MOTHER. I was at the lunch table when said person says "oh did you hear so and so made director?" I said "oh that's old news!" (being an obnoxious bitch because I can :)) She then assumed I had heard it from a friend that works in another department and went and ran her mouth and almost got my friend in trouble. I said ALMOST--she didn't. :-p Just because someone knows something WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY before you doesn't give you the right to go and try to get someone fired over it--geez, grow up! I know ALOT of stuff about work that I don't tell ANYONE, not even my Mom because I don't want this certain person to accidentally find out. I'm sure she thinks she knows, LOL, she doesn't :-)
Anyway, those are the types of trouble makers I don't like. If you want to be a bitch and do something to irk someone because you know it gets on their last nerve that's one thing--but to TRY and get someone fired--NOT cool. And quite frankly won't get you anywhere but further on my, or our, bad side.

Growing Up and Growing Old

When I last wrote I was called away immediately for an emergency at my Grandparents house. It so happens that my Grandfather fell and broke his hip and ended up needing surgery to put a rod and two pins in. To make matters worse it was on his amputated leg :-/ My mother was away visiting my dad in WA state so that left my aunt and I to hold down the fort. Someone needed to stay with my Grandmother at all times due to her having alzheimers. It has been a long week and half, but we managed and all is well. Well, if that is what you call getting old :)

Gramps seems to be doing good, up and moving around, which is awesome. Gram, well, she is not Gram anymore and hasn't been for a long time. Her 'shell' is still Gram, but she, herself left along time ago. It is hard to see her like that. This is a women who use to do so much. She use to bowl, play cards, knit, crochet, drive herself here there and everywhere. Play kickball and football with my youngest cousin and help me when I was a struggling new mom and didn't know which way was up. She would come and feed my daughter and change her and just cuddle her while this over-tired new mom slept. And now, well, if you ask her what she had for lunch five minutes after she ate it, she will tell you something like "well that's ok, we could do something like that out there if you want." Um, yeah, ok. She's here, but she's gone. Alzheimers sucks!

Then there is my Grandfather who would do anything for me, for anyone really, but especially for me. I was (am) his "Queenie" and could do no wrong in his eyes. Even when I was in high school giving my parents a run for their money, I could always go to him. When I got pregnant before I was married, I was scared to death to tell him--but he still loved me, and I still sat pirched high upon that pedistal where I have been since birth. (Did I mention I'm the only Granddaughter in the family?) He would take me to Vermont, just he and I. Or to Westerly for the day. Tell me stories about his past and growing up in New Haven. Being in the Navy. Working at EB. I have heard all these stories a 100 times in my life, but I never stop him, I just let him go on and he smiles. And now, he is frail. In a hospital bed. Weak. But what brings a smile to his face? Seeing his family. Seeing me and the kids come down, even for a little while. He knows this is the last chapter to his novel, you can see it in his eyes. It's a sad, far away look he gets.

Sometimes he doesn't want to eat. We try and coax him with his favorite foods from outside establishments, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. I don't know if he doesn't want to eat, because he doesn't want to go on, and he doesn't know how to say that. When he was home, before he fell, there were times when he said he wasn't going to take his medicine anymore. My mom and aunt would tell him "oh yes you are!" Why? He is a grown man, it is his life, right? I am a believer in letting everyone lead their own life. Regardless of how old they are. And regardless of what the outcome of their decisions may be. When I am 83 and I decide I no longer want to take medicine, and I am fully aware of the consquences of my decisions I hope that my children respect that decision. Before you go and judge me. Or before you and say "you don't know what it's like to watch someone you love suffer and die." I do. I know oh too well. At my young age (yes 32 is still considered young! lol) I have seen my fair share of death already. I have sat in a hospital room and watched as my uncle died of lukemia after fighting for 6yrs and then there was finally nothing more that could be done. That was one of the most touching times in my life. Our whole family stayed at the hospital for his final days. Yes, days. He was so strong, his heart, it was days until he finally passed. My Nana was still alive and she had to watch her son die. I don't think a mother should ever have to do that, no matter how old the child. Then there was my Nana. She suffered a stroke. She was in the nursing home for months--not knowing who she was or where she was, literally deteriorating right before our very eyes until she died. Both were slow deaths. I also lost another uncle, those circumstances are little more complicated and tragic so I'm not going to write about it here. And then there is my best friends father. He also suffered a stroke and battled for along time. I was honored that the family allowed me in the room for what were some of his final moments. He was like another father to me, as the family is a second family. So, yes, I do know what it is like to watch someone you love suffer and die right before your very eyes. And I am still a believer that it is their life to do with what they will. As hard as it is on us left behind it is harder on the ones who leave us.